Michael Walsh writes in a long, readitplease, piece:
It’s been a long time coming. The tottering bonzes of the GOP were so mesmerized and intimated by a young upstart named Barack Hussein Obama back in 2008 — even though they should have seen him coming as long ago as 2004, when he became the inevitable nominee of a party that could finally put its money where its mouth had long been — that they were utterly incapable of mounting any effective opposition to him. What little pushback there was came, almost by accident, from Sarah Palin, John McCain’s running mate, who was quickly muzzled by the establishment apparatchiks and then marginalized by a compliant and vicious media.
Tonight I did that weird thing where I went out with co-workers for dinner (we’re co-workers in that we happen to be in the same city at the same time – we don’t share cubes, office-space, zip codes etc), and in a two-minute oddity the lone liberal (from Texas – north Texas - no less) decided to inject his weird politics into what was an otherwise lovely two-hour meal.
After ranting about the Devil that is Ted Cruz (45 seconds) he fantasized about the coming governorship of Wendy “Pink Shoes Dead Kids” Davis (45 seconds). There were six of us, and I have to tell you this: of the six, he was the best conversation and were I to choose someone to have a second meal with, politics aside, he’d win the day; but his insistence/compulsion to talk politics among relative strangers on the topics/personalities of Cruz/Davis was, to me, the difference between people who are sane and people who ain’t. The day was saved by the fact that no one else had any interest in talking politics with a Liberal who voluntarily lives in one of the most Conservative districts in the country. As a Conservative who started out at a very Liberal college I get it – that said, I was 18 when I made that choice, and he was 33 when he made his.
I understood what he was saying but didn’t bite, and the rest of our party was content, you know, drinking beer.
[Thought exercise: Can you possibly imagine how insufferable I could be were I to chose South Boston as my home? Me neither /mattdaymunnn]
I have a firm understanding of the ir/rational. I have a well-earned understanding of the various breaking points of sanity and its -in. I posit that I’m a rational man trying to survive an irrational world, but no matter what I tell you, Heller said it better in Catch-22.
When I’m seated next to a person who comes mildly unhinged about Conservatism while freely choosing to move back to Texas, then what am I to do? Part of his rant included the notion that “both of his Rethuglican Senators” were about to be booted while his political fantasy is some aging hussy trying to act 35 while looking 65 is his understanding of a Tejas savior, seriously, what the fuck do you say? If I idolized every blonde that wore pink shoes while making a statement, then I’d have to rearrange my understanding of idolatry, because wearing pink while being blonde while making a statement is about as original as majoring in Poetry and then failing at life.
You might have missed a subtle thing there, so I’ll illustrate it: The Liberal is under the impression that Conservatives see Ted Cruz and John Cornyn as pretty much the same people, which is the best illustration of all time that Liberals are giant fucking morons whose curiosity begins and ends at the tips of their weiners. I would send money to Ted Cruz should he run for POTUS, and I would send money to any young Conservative who doesn’t appear to be insane who chooses to primary Cornyn. Make sense?
Here’s another funny part – and as I’ve documented repeatedly, I don’t talk politics in “mixed company” unless pushed to the edge – a girl that was with us asked me what it was that I had to see on television that I backed out of supper the previous night? “I wanted to watch the filibuster,” I said, and I left it at that. I didn’t say that I liked or disliked Cruz, I didn’t say that I wanted the ACA defunded, I didn’t say that if given $50 and one wish I’d defile [REDACTED], but she was thrilled that I gave a straight answer, even if she had no idea what I was talking about. We joked about it, and Cruz’s name never came up. CSPAN/nerd jokes ensued, as they should have.
OK, so the really funny part: the Liberal who hates Cruz (a U.S. Senator, mind you representing his district, no less) and who loves Wendy Davis (A State Senator from Pinkshoes-TX) didn’t pick up on what I said, even though he was sitting between me and the girl and was listening to our conversation. It wasn’t until CNN – which was on a 51-inch screen about five-feet in front of us – began blazing its incisive, Seussian coverage – that prompted the Liberal to start Liberaling. Before CNN started discussing Cruz – on mute, with subtitles – I had admitted that I watched Cruz speak for 11 hours, that I didn’t go to bed til 4 am, that I would’ve stayed up with him if I didn’t have to work, and the Liberal didn’t register any of this. The Liberal was set off by an ad that Ted Cruz appears in that runs repeatedly on cable news regarding defunding Obamacare. And, off to the races. It’s not the Liberal’s politics that annoy me, it’s the inability to not talk about their politics that annoys me.
I know five very intelligent Liberals personally, and since I live in Oklahoma, I’d say that makes me pretty goddamm multicultural since if you take away the gehys and the government workers, there’s really only about eight liberals in the state. I probably know a lot more, but there are five who I can watch a television with and share that great American experience with and insure that they not go batshit if something appears before them that offends them or their worldview. The most politically liberal person I know lives a life more conservative than I could ever hope to attain.
That said, if I bring up Sarah Palin, there’s not one of those five who can contain themselves (well, I’m probably exaggerating at this point, but only one of them reads this and they don’t get riled up by this shit). To invoke Sarah Palin is to invite an open bar at the club of Subhumanism. Personally, I know more about the life and career of Sarah Palin than anyone else I know (and nope, beyond meeting her once I don’t know the woman). I’ve read Palin’s books, I’ve read the books about Palin, I’ve watched or read most of her speeches and I’ve endured more concern-trolling about Sarah Palin than I’ll ever be able to get back in a Second Life scenario. People I know who are a) liberal and b) friends and who c) know everything I’ve just told you about Sarah Palin will inevitably d) say something insane about Sarah Palin in front of me because e) they are liberals, they cannot help it, thus proving that f) liberalism is a mental disorder.
In 2013 there still exist liberals who think themselves informed who quote Tina Fey when referencing Sarah Palin. There exist Smart Liberals who think that Sarah Palin actually shot a wolf using a high-powered rifle from the perch of a working helicopter. This would be cool – like, Delta Force cool – if she had, but yeah…
Meta is as Meta does, the grand astrofucking tautology of our time.
They are trying to turn Ted Cruz into Sarah Palin, who herself has endured more rhetorical slings and arrows than any American I can think of outside of Joe McCarthy, another flyover guy who was crucified for pushing the “Liberals are Evil” card a bit too far. Cruz will be more difficult, though in the cult of Liberalism, anything is possible. For starters, he’s demonstrably smarter than most of them – Dick Durbin learned that lesson twice during Cruz’s hold on the Senate floor. He has a remarkably sharp tongue, something Donkeys aren’t used to from normally speech-impeded GOPers. And then there’s this: Cruz doesn’t seem to care what the GOP establishment thinks of him. Sarah Palin didn’t either, and she got crucified, but Cruz – shocker, backed by Palin – doesn’t seem to care. I like this.
I really, really like. this.
Time: do tell.